


Food

by Daniscats



Series: The Incredible Story of Captain Shepard and the Love that Saved the Galaxy! Drabbles and Misc [18]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Absurd, F/F, Macabre, absurd and macabre humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 17:28:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20911388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daniscats/pseuds/Daniscats
Summary: Part of the Fictober challenge on the Facebook ME fan fic writer's page. The prompt for today was 'sugar skulls', day 3. Vegetarians and vegans might want to skip this one. No offense is intended and I have nothing but respect for both. But I also don't think very many krogan are either.#MEFFictober2019





	Food

Shepard exited the elevator and moved to go around the corner to enter the Normandy's mess when she ran right into a very worried-looking ensign. Or more accurately, the ensign barreled into her. Once the Ensign stopped her backward momentum after bouncing off her commanding officer, the worried look turned to one of surprise and then horror. 

"Sorry, sir!" The ensign made her body rigid and snapped off a salute. "I didn't mean to not look where I was going but I, ah, didn't want to be late for my shift." 

"Carry on, Ensign Shaw." 

Odd, Shepard thought as she glanced at her omni-tool. Shift change wasn't for another 35 minutes. She continued on her way until she entered a very subdued mess, which was even more odd as it was usually the area of the ship where crewmen socialized freely in between shifts. Instead, Shepard found three very tense crewmen eating silently at one end of the table and a grumbling Wrex at the other end. 

As Shepard made her way over to her ancient krogan friend, she soon discovered the cause of the weird vibe in the room. In front of Wrex were four different skulls of various sizes and shapes, three white and one black, and a small hill of what looked like a white powder. Wrex had one of the smaller skulls in one of his massive hands and was holding it up to his mouth, trying to gnaw a piece out of it with his molars. Frustrated he held the skull out again to examine it, poured some liquid from his drinking glass on it and then rolled it in the white powder in front of him. 

"Maybe, it's supposed to be eaten in pieces?" Wrex mumbled to himself. He squeezed his hand until with a sickening crack, the skull shattered into pieces. With that, the three human crewmen bolted from the table. Shepard noticed that at least two of them appeared to be sprinting towards the rest rooms. 

"Wrex!" Shepard yelled as she moved in front of her old squadmate. "What are you doing?! You're scaring the children!" 

"Just trying to make myself a new snack. It sounded good when I heard about it but in reality..." 

"You're trying to eat actual skulls? There isn't even any meat left on them. And what is that stuff you are rolling them in?" 

"Sugar! From Earth. I love the stuff. And I also love eating dead animals so when I heard about sugar skulls, I knew I had to give them a try." 

Shepard put her face in her hand. "Wrex, you have this all wrong. First, sugar skulls are not actual skulls, they are made *from* sugar. Second, you don't actually eat them." 

"That is the dumbest thing you've ever said, Shepard." Wrex scowled. "Why would you make skulls out of sugar and then not even eat them?" 

"It's true! Look, if you don't believe me, who did you hear about this from?" 

"I just got on the ship, Shepard. I don't know her name. Some female specialist who works with me in the War Room. Smart little thing. She helped get me set up." 

"Right. I think I know who you mean." Shepard punched at her omni-tool and then spoke into it. "Specialist Alvarez, this is Shepard. Please report to me in the mess hall. And please save what you are working on first because it's not an emergency and you are NOT in any kind of trouble." 

"Aye, aye, Commander!", came the reply. Despite Shepard's reassurances, Alvarez appeared literally as quickly as the elevator would take her. To her credit, she only paused a little upon seeing what was on the table in front of Wrex and was soon standing at attention in front of her CO. 

"At ease, Specialist. You are here because I was hoping you could clear up a little misunderstanding for my friend here. Please tell us what sugar skulls are." 

The woman looked completely confused by the question but again, to her credit, she soon launched into an explanation. 

"Well, I guess the easiest way to describe them is to call them folk art. Hundreds of years ago in a country called Mexico, in an area which is now in the southern part of the United North American States, a tradition was started in which people made these skulls out of sugar as an offering to their dead ancestors who it was believed would be visiting them during the Day of the Dead..." 

"And you eat these skulls?" Wrex demanded. 

"Um, no, not really. I mean, I guess you could. But really they are an expression to your deceased loved ones of how much you appreciated them. Some are very elaborate." 

"And they are not food?" Wrex again asked incredulously. 

"No. They are art. They are an offering to your ancestors who it is believed return to the living for one day each year." 

"Hah! I'm glad my ancestors don't come back to visit me every year. My father tried to kill me. Hate to have to kill him again every year." 

"Really?!" The Specialist touched Wrex's arm. "That's terrible!" 

"No big deal." Wrex waved away her concern. "It happened a long time ago. I'm just sad that I'm not going to get to eat any sugar skulls." 

"Well, if you like, I can make you some sugar skull cookies that you can eat." 

"Oh, no need to go through the trouble. I just really like sugar...and skulls." 

"It wouldn't be any trouble!" She beamed at Wrex. "It's almost that time of year anyway and I'm sure others would like them too." She nervously looked at her commanding officer. "It might be a nice distraction with things so grim on Earth right now." 

"Good idea, Specialist." Shepard nodded but the Specialist was already looking back at Wrex. 

"Great!" Alvarez beamed at Wrex. "I have really enjoyed working with you, Wrex, and hope we will work together again soon. Until then, I'll start working on those cookies for you as soon as I get off shift." 

"I can't wait to try them", Wrex said as the crewman walked away. Shepard looked from Wrex to the retreating Specialist and then back to Wrex. 

"Am I crazy or was she *flirting* with you?" Shepard asked once she heard the elevator door close. 

"Probably." Wrex sighed. "It's the females, Shepard. They all love me. Young or old. Krogan, human, asari, doesn't matter." 

"Uh huh." Shepard laughed. "She probably didn't realize that those are real skulls in front of you and that you were rolling them in sugar and trying to eat them. What kind of animals are they from anyway?" 

"These three I bought at a butcher shop on the Citadel. Who knows? Some livestock animals from some planet." Wrex held up the black skull. "This one I picked up during our last battle. I think it's from a husk?" 

Shepard stopped smiling and stared at the skull. 

"Wrex! That skull belonged to a human at some point! You cannot try to eat human bones on an Alliance ship! In front of an Alliance crew!" 

"But it was free! And it's not human any more. And relax, I wasn't going to eat it. My teeth are regenerating slower than they used to and it's got metal bits." 

“Not the point, Wrex. Not the point. Now perhaps you can get these skulls off my mess table? It’s not the most sanitary eating surface.” 

“Ugh. I forgot how many rules and how many hang-ups you humans have about everything. Especially food. You can eat the liver of an animal but get freaked out when someone eats the eyes? It’s okay to eat the flesh off little bird’s wings in public but somehow, eating a skull in public is socially unacceptable?” 

“We’re just crazy that way, Wrex. But at least we have cookies.” 

“And sugar!” 


End file.
